God’s Answer for Conflicted Couples – A Brief Instruction Manual

The Task at Hand 

To succeed as Christians in any relationship, we must be adequately equipped to accomplish the task. Though we naturally think of our marriage relationship in terms of what it does for us, this is different from the mind of Christ. In truth, marriage becomes our primary and essential   ministry once married. Therefore, just as to succeed in any ministry (or in life), our methods must be according to the Spirit and not according to our natural interests and capacities.

Because these things are so widely overlooked, our marriages typically function far below their potential and many fail.  However, the marriage relationship is not the primary level of a spiritual foundation for our lives. The primary level of that foundation is always the nature of our individual relationship with Christ.

A Different Paradigm

The message proposed here contradicts how we all naturally think of our relationships. We think in terms of our wants, needs, entitlements, pain, and disappointments. As a result, the solutions offered in this article may, at first glance, be dismissed by many. It may initially seem burdensome and insensitive to their just case against their partner.

This points to a profound paradox that is revealed in the Scriptures. That paradox is that our clinging to our so-called “just” case against our partner enables the failures that have brought them to their currently disappointing status.

A Better Way

In this paper, however, I aim to present the essentials of reversing this death spiral. First, we will offer the core principles of God’s fail-proof approach to marriage. Then, the last part of this paper will present the more concrete steps that facilitate daily success.

The principle outlined herein, of course, cannot override one’s partner’s freedom to choose. Nevertheless, if one party is unwilling to follow Christ, God’s solution will still, in most cases, redeem the relationship.

Amazing Outcomes

We repeatedly see that Jesus can bring a redemptive change even in the most unlikely situations. Many have claimed that they can fix or save a marriage from failure, lead to marital happiness, and fulfill one’s hopes and dreams for the ideal marriage. I am not offering you the latest fad in matrimonial magic. Instead, I am offering you God’s answer to marriage.

The principles laid out in this paper are the only ones with a guarantee from God Himself. That is a foundation to build upon. There is simply no other approach that can bring about the kingdom of God in our lives other than the one that operates through the terms God has set for us. Unfortunately, this is why most Christian relationships that fail do so unnecessarily.

Indeed, God’s answers will always provide the maximum possible opportunity for the partner’s spiritual redemption and eventual cooperative engagement. Moreover, those answers will, at the very least, also result in the liberation of the soul from the power of their own and their partner’s darkness over their lives. They will find inner freedom and joy and learn to be led by the Holy Spirit in daily joy and victory.

Building Context for Our Discussion

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with a Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology and have been in private practice for over 30 years. I also ran several Domestic Violence and Anger Management Programs over 25 years.

In my work with marriage conflict issues, I was frustrated with many years of disappointing results in applying the various known methodologies in marital treatment. These approaches also failed to help when applied to my marriage. Finally, after desperately seeking the Lord’s help and His answers for decades, through His mercy, a deeper understanding began to emerge for me.

A Different Approach – A Change of Focus

In my daily practice, clients often come into my office very frustrated with one another. As I would begin to emphasize being changed rather than changing the other, I would observe how initially frustrating and discouraging this sometimes was for them. In most cases, they reacted this way because they had convinced themselves that the solution to their marital problem was to get their partner to change.

As this annoyance began to emerge, some would dispute this approach which turns the attention to addressing issues in oneself. They sometimes would respond saying something like this, “But you don’t know what my partner is like!

Thus their message is that their partner is very difficult and non-cooperative (i.e., with their wishes), that they have tried everything possible to do from their end, and yet nothing has improved. They had followed all the different strategies from pastors, classes, books, and even often from multiple previous counselors they have seen.

An Important Question to Consider

As I grew in comprehending God’s amazing answers, I learned to redirect the conversation by asking them a question a simple question. I would say, “What if Jesus took over your body and went home as you this evening; would He be able to bring about a different outcome at home? They nearly always answer in the affirmative, but frequently with the qualifier, ”but I am not Jesus!”

But how does this line up with Jesus’ message to us? His message is that our primary task is finding and actualizing our own salvation. Moreover, that message is about Christ and His love transforming us to become like Him.

In accordance with this, the Lord showed me a stunning verse many years ago. This verse is found in the last sentence of the upper room discourse as Jesus was preparing to enter Jerusalem for the final time (John, chapters 14-17). It is also the last verse of Jesus’ “High Priestly Prayer” to the Father in the presence of His disciples. He said,

“Righteous Father, although the world has not known You, yet I have known You; and these have known that You sent Me; and I have made Your name known to them, and will make it known, so that the love with which You loved Me may be in them, and I in them.” (John 17:26, NASB1995).

This verse tells us that God’s central goal is for us to have His love in us and that this can be because He will be in us.

So, the answer to the response of, “But I am not Jesus,” is this: The secret of New Testament living is Christ, Himself, being manifest in our mortal bodies. Thus it really is to be Christ going home in your body.

Although most Christians have a basic understanding of this idea, it has little power because it is not being actualized in their daily lives. The real implications of “Christ in you” (Galatians 6:14-16, Colossians 1:27) are not widely comprehended or taught in the Evangelical Church today.

Yet, Paul’s monumental declaration is that “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20, ESV). In other words, this goes to the heart of the New Testament message and must be understood. These ideas will be further developed as we move through this paper.

The Principles and Practical Steps to Success in Marriage (and life), God’s Way

First, Work Out Your Own Salvation 

Most of us have often heard of Jesus metaphor that, we must get the “beam” out of our own eye before we can get a “speck” out of another’s. (Matthew 7:5). But what are the implications of such an idea? How much righteousness must I have before I have sufficiently equipped for this task?

The scripture clearly states that we must be perfect in order to fulfill this standard. (Matthew 5:48). The Biblical concept is that His righteousness is perfect and if that is what is manifest in us, that same incorruptible righteousness will prevail in us as well.

This means we must be clean of all self-interest so that we can see, as Jesus sees, love with the same love with which He loves and work His works. This may sound like an absurd standard to some. However, as we think this through, that perception may change.

Our Battle is Against Spiritual Forces

Some might argue that truth is truth regardless of the source, so what does it matter about my motives for speaking? The verse of the beam suggests that our effectiveness depends a great deal on the process of helping another see the truth.

Consider this; can anyone work His works apart from Him? Jesus says, “apart from Me, you can do nothing” (John 15:5)?  Is Jesus using hyperbole here? I think not.

Is not our battle “against rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in heavenly places?”(Ephesians. 6:12). Can that born of the flesh or the will of a man overcome these forces that oppose the work of God?

It follows that to operate in Christ in any situation truly, we must do what we do by the Holy Spirit. If so, who will be the author or initiator of these actions? Even Jesus said, “I do nothing on my own initiative” (John. 5:30, 8:28, NASB1995).

Moreover, do we suppose that God joins with us even when our motives are evil? This is certainly not congruent with John’s declaration in 1 John, “For we know that God is light and in Him, there is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.” (1 John 1:5-6). Is there some middle ground where we are just motivated by what we would like or think we should have, and God ought to answer these wants?

Therefore You Are to be Perfect

So it is evident that it is clear that according to scripture, the prerequisite for (truly) working God’s works is perfect motives that come from God. Does this standard seem impossible, implausible, idealistic, or unrealistic? John writes,

“This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all. If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.” (1 John 1:5-6, ESV).

As we can see from this verse, it is not only plausible and possible, but it is also actually the minimum requirement for working His works.

If this is so, where does that leave most of us? It tells us we have a lot of spiritual preparation before we can be truly helpful to others. But don’t be discouraged; it’s not as difficult as it sounds – and the implications are life-changing. So let’s dig a little deeper.

One Master Only

For our motives to be perfect, they must be literally coming from God – because only God is perfect. This implies that we can’t be under the control of self and God simultaneously. In other words, we can’t” serve two masters.” (Matt. 6:24) So, for our motives to come from God, we must be dead to ourselves. Jesus addresses this by saying, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, take up his cross and follow Me. “For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.” (Matthew 16:24-25, see also, James 1:7-8, 4:1-9) I will explain more later about how to do this.

Jesus’ words here also tell us that whatever goals we have that are rooted in our agenda for our lives (and, by extension, those rooted in the expectations of those around us) must die. Our plans do not get to determine what God is going to do. In Hebrews, we are told that to rest in Christ, we are to “cease from our own works.” (Hebrews 4:10,12).

A Conflicted Marriage?

What does all this say of those who are in a conflicted marriage? First, it implies that if we are experiencing conflict with our partner, we have a reasonably clear indication that we are yet carrying out our agenda. Our experience of being in a conflicted marriage is an inditement against us because conflict is a two-way transaction. As the saying goes, “It takes two to Tango.”

In the case where we are struggling with feelings of anger, resentment, or even frustration, it becomes all the more evident that our agenda is in control. This is true regardless of the justness of our case against our partner. In 1 John 2:7-11, we see that we are either walking in the (perfect) love of God or we still abide in the darkness. If we are resentful, angry, or bitter against our partner, we live as dead to God, regardless of our reasons or justifications.

Is Your Anger Really Righteous?

If you wish to contend that your anger is justified because God get’s” angry” and your anger is righteous, you are suggesting that your motives and the motives of a perfectly holy God are the same. Be advised we are not in the position of God, the perfect and righteous judge over others. Again, even Jesus said that He did not come to judge the world but to save it. (John 12:47). We are instructed not to sin in response to our anger but to get it cleaned up the same day, not to give the devil opportunity. In addition, we are also required to put away all anger. I will quote a lengthy passage from Ephesians that we do well to read carefully.

“Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil. Let the thief no longer steal, but rather let him labor, doing honest work with his own hands, so that he may have something to share with anyone in need. Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:26-32, ESV, my italics).

As James tells us, “the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.” (Jas. 1:20, NAS). James also instructs us that our anger comes from our wants and makes us enemies of God. (James 4:1-4).

Therefore, we are unclean before God when we are motivated by our emotions or seeking our interests rather than God’s. Jesus did not come to “be served, but to serve and give His life as a ransom for others.” (Mark 10:45). Jesus’ wisdom brings us to deep humility before God, telling us that we must “first clean the inside of the cup” (i.e.of our souls) and then “everything will be clean for us,” – that is, everything that comes forth from us will also be clean. (Matthew 23:26). If we are spiritually – and motivationally – unclean, we most certainly cannot work the works of God.

Two Irreconcilable Paradigms

We are faced with a choice. Will we let man’s terms of justice rule or God’s? At first glance, we might think God’s standards are unrealistic, too demanding, and even unfair. This is not, however, the truth. When we say this, we deny the truth – the truth of God’s standard of judgment and justice.

We also deny the power of the cross and the justice of His sacrifice, “the just for the unjust. Thus it is effectively our rejection of His terms of grace. We can walk in authentic righteousness by accepting His terms of grace (i.e., completely unearned and unearnable). Jesus said, “Therefore, you are to be perfect, even as your heavenly Father is perfect.” (Matthew 5:48, NASB 1995). If we tried to be perfect according to this standard, would anyone other than God be able?

Christ In Us

Therefore it must be God in us fulfilling these standards. This is not merely imputed or positional righteousness; it must be actual righteousness from God.  “And He died for all that those who live should no longer live for ourselves but for Him who died and rose on their behalf.” (2 Corinthians 5:15).

This is a righteousness that the world does not know. Yet, though this is the New Testament’s central message, it is so rarely understood that it surprises most believers when they hear it. The brilliant thing about it is that it avails us of an otherwise wholly unachievable capacity to live and overcome.

An Unimaginable Gift

To those who imagine God’s standards of justice incorrect or unfair, it is precisely the opposite! It is an unimaginable grace that is being offered to us. So, it is our unbelief and perhaps our lack of the love of God within ourselves that makes it so difficult to envision.  We are quick to ask God for a new job or some other selfish want, yet the actual operation of the “word of faith” is not for our self-gratification but for the inheriting of the ”kingdom of God and His righteousness.” (Matthew 6:33).

Of course, we are free to reject God’s word, the word of the cross, if we wish. We can minimize or explain away His standards, but at what cost? The result will be that we will fail to enter through the narrow door. We will miss out on the privilege of living like Jesus, loving with His perfect love. There is no middle ground with Jesus. He offers only one kind of righteousness – the perfect and incorruptible kind.

We Must Own Our Powerlessness Over Our Sin

What, then, should we do? If we humble ourselves before Him and admit that our anger, fear, frustration, and disappointment are our problems, we are on the right track. We must realize that divesting ourselves of our wants cannot be willed into being. Human effort can not manufacture it. It can come only through by faith, through grace. For this to happen, we must learn how to enter into Christ. The essential step in this process is to learn to feed on the message.

Learn to Feed on the Word (or message) of Life

We must begin to take in Christ’s death daily. This means we are learning to hear, believe, and confess Christ’s substitutionary atonement so that we can inherit the kingdom of God daily. (1 Jn. 1:5-7, Heb. 9:14, Jn. 15:7, Rom. 10-8-10, 1Cor. 15:2, 1 Cor. 1:18, Gal.3:5, Jas. 1:21, Jn. 8:31-32).

As we learn to put our whole hope only in Christ and the qualifying power of His death for us on the cross, profound changes begin to emerge. Applying this principle to our lives daily, we are growing “in respect to salvation.” (1 Peter 1:25-2:2).

The light of the truth about our assumed good intentions, or justified motives, will begin to be exposed by the Holy Spirit for the self-interested actions that they are. (Hebrews 4:9-12). We may resist this idea at first. As we begin to accept that all things initiated by us are problematical for the kingdom of God, we begin to see the reality of just how bankrupt we are in ourselves. This will not discourage us, however. Instead, it will be joy and liberation for our spirit in the truth. The revelation of Christ will begin to happen in us. Understanding will come forth, and with it, our conviction and liberation. Our souls will begin to be transformed from the inside out.

It will also open the door for the emergence of His gift of perfect righteousness to manifest in us. This is a righteousness that most of us rarely have, if ever, known, even after years or decades of doing our best to be a good Christian. But, again, it is accomplished not by human capacity or initiation but by the same power that raised Christ Jesus from the grave.

We must learn to fight the good fight of faith.

Regardless of the challenges our partner brings to us, our goal is to love and leave the outcome to God. We must determine that there is no “plan B.” That is to say, our only solution to any and every distress is the wisdom and cleansing from above. To take any other path (operating on our own initiative) means the loss of this magnificent fellowship we have with Christ.

Moreover, taking God’s approach is so marvelous that eventually, it becomes a non-option for us to do things our way. We set ourselves to rely wholly on that which He will provide. This will include revelation about our motives, the needs of others, understanding of the Scriptures, compassion, awareness of God’s supply, and adequacy to sustain us in every situation. He becomes our “all in all.

What I am describing is what Paul calls  “walking by” or being “led by the Spirit.” (Galatians 5:1, 16-18, Romans 8:14). These phrases are generally just an abstraction for most believers. For decades, they were just that for me as well.

What is the difference between this approach and codependency and the enabling it engenders in the other party? 

Codependency is nothing like what we are describing. Instead, codependency behaves from (often hidden) self-interest in “helping” others. In the codependent, there is a disguised agenda in operation that is not actually for the other person’s welfare.

However, those that operate from Christ’s love are not enabling any more than Christ was enabling. On the contrary, they are the antithesis of enabling. The one who is living from Christ’s love will effectively convict the spirit of the other. This will not happen when we operate from human motives rather than from the Holy Spirit. Only Christ can convict the spirit of sin.

Moreover, since the other is receiving the genuine love of Christ, if they are inclined to Jesus, their spirit is immediately won for Jesus. Jesus said, “My sheep listen to My voice, and I know them, and they follow Me” (John 10:27). When someone is loved with the love of God, they know it. If the recipient of that love is a real believer in Christ, their spirit will rejoice at Jesus’ voice. It may take some time to get past their soul’s attachment to sin, but in time, with patient love, they will be changed by His love.

In His kind of love, you can be patient without fearing it will become enabling. Jesus will make sure that He is your defender – that is, if you do not return to self-interested motivations. His is a love that always prevails. It will love the other as they are, and through all their failures just as Jesus has loved us. It will nourish their spiritual growth and become a fountain of wisdom to them. Our love will be a love filled with grace.

Of course, learning to love like this will not all happen overnight. Understandably, it takes time for “Christ to be formed in us.” (Galatians 4:19). Still, it is important to emphasize that changes emerge daily. This is not like waiting for some magic fix someday over the rainbow. There must be a daily experience of the revelation of Christ crucified within us.

This will include the conviction of our own sin at a core level. This conviction results in a daily experience of liberty from that sin. If this is not happening, then we must seek the Lord because something is not proper in our understanding or application of these things.

This is the message of those that are in Christ. His love is reaching out to others. Their love is authentically a “1 Corinthians 13” kind of love. When this is happening, believe me, you will know it. You will live by faith and with a “full assurance of faith.” (Hebrews 10:19-23).

Practical Steps:

Retreat 

When you feel frustrated or angry (no matter how wrong you believe your partner to be, nor how right you think you are), Stop immediately and go to a private place (if possible).

Own Our Anger and the Wants that Drive It

Admit to God that you are angry and that the anger is 100% your problem – that’s right, 100%! Why is it important to admit this? It is because you cannot be cleansed from what you do not confess as sin. So if you hold on to the tiniest bit of self-justification for your anger toward the other, you cannot be set free!

The End of All Arguments and Escalation

All arguing or debating must go completely. Never will the kingdom of God be built by human self-interest motivation which is the source of all such striving. When we operate from anger or fear, etc., we operate independently from God. Jesus says, “He who does not gather with Me, scatters.” (Luke 11:23).

How is one able to do these things? As suggested above, by becoming free within ourselves and alive in Christ, we receive it in the moment from Him.

The End of All Bargaining Strategies

This paradigm effectively ends all bargaining or negotiation approaches to meet our needs. This is like Jesus turning over the money changer’s tables in our lives. We are no longer operating in a transactional system. God’s love is never motivated by self-interest. He cannot be manipulated, nor does He manipulate anyone. His interest is in our welfare, period. If we operate in Him, we will act according to His nature. Our interests will, in like manner, be for the other’s welfare.

The standard counseling solution offered for conflicted couples is for a couple to negotiate their wants. The problem with this paradigm is that it is contrary to the Holy Spirit. Therefore, Christ never joins us in such an undertaking because it is inconsistent with God’s nature.

Unless the love of God is the motivation, your undertaking will be harmful – even if it does not appear to be so. This is such an important thing to comprehend! You can do nothing for your partner unless God’s love is your motivation. For God’s love to be there, He must be the initiator.

This is a radical departure from the standard paradigm by which most modern Christians think and operate. It is radical, but our God is radically different than us, and He and His salvation are radically great beyond our imagination. We should not be surprised, but we are because of our unbelieving hearts. I am just the same. Nevertheless, it is a glorious thing that we are being invited to, and we have been living as if it didn’t exist! We have been like the 10 spies that checked out the promised land. We underestimate our God. He has worked on my “slow of heart to believe” nature for 50 years. I don’t deserve to enter any more than anyone else.

Wait, Read and Listen for God to Speak to Us

We must own our loss, our sense of being a victim. Even though these feelings may be valid on a human level and by the judgments of men, they do not stand in God’s court of grace. James tells us that “mercy triumphs over judgment.” (James 2:13). Yes, we must face the death, the darkness of self, daily. There is no way to live except through the daily loss of our lives. As Paul wrote, “Always carrying about in our bodies the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body.” (2 Corinthians 4:10). If we are opening the door to Christ’s cleansing, His light will come to us as we determine that we will wait for His cleansing regardless of how long it takes. If we are struggling with waiting, it’s ok to admit it to Him. He will help us. Remember, there is no “Plan B.” Our confidence is in Christ’s atonement alone. We must not attempt to augment this in any way.

Learning to Deal with Our Own Emotions

When we are wronged or upset with our partner, the emotions reveal the self (secretly self-seeking soul) behind them. The negative emotions that emerge show that we want something, maybe respect, understanding, fairness, kindness, protection, honor, love, etc. Once these wants or needs are in control and driving our actions, we know God is excluded. This does not mean that our needs don’t matter to God. On the contrary, it means He will provide for those needs and do so surprisingly well.

This also means that our partner’s failings, far from the stumbling block that we have perceived them previously, will now help facilitate our liberation. This results in joy and thanksgiving as we learn to “exult in or tribulations.” (Romans 5:3-5).

This is the beginning of a journey of profound inner understanding and insight. The Holy Spirit will begin to distinguish motives tied to self from those originating in Christ. This allows us to be washed of self-motivation. This will be a cleansing process which is the crucifixion of the self. This death process will enable you to maintain fellowship with Christ like never before. It also results in a new experience of having a conscience.

Moreover, your journey will also include a pre-paid ticket to soul liberation. The Holy Spirit will begin searching your soul and revealing the roots of all your inner hangups and pathologies. You can walk this road because God will be separating you from the attachments of the self. In these primary attachments lie the source of all our hidden pathologies. There will begin an unfolding of the previously unconscious “secrets of the heart” and mind. (Hebrews 4:12).  As Christ washes you clean of these things you cling to, you will enter into authentic Christian liberation. It is nothing short of miraculous.

Get Clean and Gain Liberty Before Reengaging

Do not reengage your partner until you have experienced Christ’s speaking liberty from the self (which is behind the anger). Wait on the Lord’s speaking to your darkness. Your angry, entitled, and “just and justified” wants are an enemy of God. He will speak light and life to your darkness.

We must also admit any feelings of being victimized. Ultimately, God is responsible for our circumstances. If we feel victimized, we must work this out with God, not our partner. (Please remember that in cases where someone is in imminent danger, we must take appropriate actions to ensure safety. However, in such a situation, our need for the Holy Spirit to help us operate in wisdom is even more essential!

We Must Commit to Reengaging

When we break off an interaction going sideways, we must not indulge in distancing any more than is essential for us to be restored by God. This also means we must be willing to return to the discussion as soon as reasonably possible. We do not want distance to linger beyond what is necessary for us to hear from God.

However, we can only return if our interaction is going to be conversational – that is, each person is being accorded the right to speak without interruption. We should be careful to establish an agreement on basic rules of behavior before engaging in challenging conversations. Of course, if our partner is angry or contentious, it is OK to notify them of your good intentions and wait for a better moment. In most cases, it would be a good idea to check back periodically to ask about their readiness.

Learning to Communicate with an Attitude of Humility, Kindness, Understanding, Patience, and the Love of God.

Our goal is always to further goodwill and good communication. We are wise to say nothing that is not for edification, reconciliation, and love. “Speaking the truth in love” means that we are seeking the welfare of the other in all things we say and not pointing out their wrongs with an expectation of their repentance. Truth spoken from darkness is not truth but is a lie because The Holy Spirit accompanies his truth.

We ought to seek their repentance only for their good and by the Holy Spirit’s leading, not to gain a sense of relief from our anger or resentment. We should always offer to pray with our partners. Above all things, we ought to heed James’ words to be “slow to speak, quick to hear and slow to anger, for the anger of man does not work the righteousness of God.” (James 1:19). Also, as Paul encouraged us, “Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.” (Ephesians 4:32).

Living the New Testament Life

Thus, this incredible life that we see manifested in the Apostles is not some special thing that is only for them. I always secretly supposed they could live as they described because they were somehow special or especially blessed. The truth is, it is for all believers. I have come to believe this with all my heart. We all have the gift of greatness available to us. It is just that it will never be our own; it will always be Him because He alone is genuinely awesome. Yet, here is the incredible thing. He has invited us to be partakers of His very life; to be the dwelling place of Yahweh; the One who spoke to Moses, whose name is “I Am Who I Am.” We shouldn’t be surprised if it is a remarkable and awe-inspiring thing to touch. As John said,

“What was from the beginning, what we have heard, what we have seen with our eyes, what we have looked at and touched with our hands, concerning the Word of Life— and the life was revealed, and we have seen and testify and proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and was revealed to us—what we have seen and heard we proclaim to you also, so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father, and with His Son Jesus Christ.” (John 1:1-3, NASB1995).

God’s love is self-contained, content, and always seeks the other person’s welfare. (1 Corinthians 13), The one who operates from Christ does not have to worry about themselves because God always ensures His sheep are cared for, especially when they enter into an abiding relationship with Him. This relationship with God is motivated by Christ Himself, and the one who (truly) abides in Him also abides in His love. John’s first epistle thoroughly describes this kind of love. God’s approval remains upon anyone whose life comes from Him. If God’s motives are in you, your partner’s interests will prevail over your own. Think of the cross of Christ. Jesus did not go to the cross for His own glory or any self-interest but from perfect love.

An Unfolding of the Mystery of Christ in You, Hidden From the Beginning

It is an exhilarating and transcendent experience that few ever find in this life. It is found by those who understand and learn to act on, rely on the full implications of the cross. Jesus said, “Whom the Son sets free is free indeed;” (John 8:36) and just like with everything else He promises us, He means it! Once we embark on His daily plan of sanctification by grace with an unfettered, reckless abandonment, a profound transformation becomes inevitable. God will take you to new places.  Your life will become something it has never been before. It is a thrilling adventure, the likes of which the world will never know; it is a taste of what is to come for those that believe in Him.

Although this is a revolutionary message. It is not mine. It is not even the Apostle’s; it is Almighty God’s message. As Paul says, “of which I became a minister according to the stewardship from God that was given to me for you, to make the word of God fully known, the mystery hidden for ages and generations but now revealed to his saints. To them, God chose to make known how great among the Gentiles are the riches of the glory of this mystery, which is Christ in you, the hope of glory.” (Colossians 1:25-27).

We see then that as we become partakers of His death, we also become partakers of His life. And just as the grave could not contain Him, so neither can it contain those daily dying with Him. This is why Paul would write that his goal was to “know Him and the power of His resurrection,” but also to know “the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death.” (Philippians 3:10).

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